Jahnu
2020-05-11 00:20:03 UTC
THEORETICAL Quantum Physicist Dr. Amit Goswami admitted today that he,
and his peers, have absolutely no fucking idea what theyre doing,
and claims they were no nearer than prehistoric man to figuring out
the Universe.
We have been just winging it to tell you the truth, explained the
78-year-old in an exclusive interview with WWN. Seriously, I havent
a clue whats going on. Either does anyone else in my field. We keep
proving stuff that never actually happened.
Our cover is blown, what can I say ? He added.
Dr. Goswamis comments came after yet another alleged breakthrough in
quantum mechanics which claims the universe has existed forever, as
opposed to being created by a big bang.
Over the years there have been just a handful of us pretending to
know something about the universe that no one else does, he went on.
But this is all lies to feed the charade. Ive had some great times
during the years ; travelling the world, and giving talks on our
pretend finds.
When asked how he got away with it for so long, he replied : I found
out a long time ago that everything can be proven with a mathematical
equation. Now, I mean everything ; from unicorns, fire-breathing
dragons, God and even the G-spot. None of it is true. Me and the
handful that know the truth have been riding the Quantum Physicist
celebrity wave for quite some time now, but it must end before
someone gets hurt.
The University of Oregon professor warned that the European
Organisation for Nuclear Research, known as CERN, could potentially
wipe out the entire planet if the project is not put to a halt.
Seriously, when myself, Higgs and Ben (Benjamin Lockspeiser CERNs
first president) first pitched the idea, we never thought it would get
funding. It was gonna cost billions for Christs sake, he recalled.
Fuck knows what the thing does no one does. Firing particles at
each other at the speed of light cant end well. Im just worried now
we took the joke too far.
Ending the interview, professor Goswami apologised for spoofing
everybody over the years.
Im coming near the end of my days now and I just want to get this
off my chest, he said. I just hope the world can forgive us.
and his peers, have absolutely no fucking idea what theyre doing,
and claims they were no nearer than prehistoric man to figuring out
the Universe.
We have been just winging it to tell you the truth, explained the
78-year-old in an exclusive interview with WWN. Seriously, I havent
a clue whats going on. Either does anyone else in my field. We keep
proving stuff that never actually happened.
Our cover is blown, what can I say ? He added.
Dr. Goswamis comments came after yet another alleged breakthrough in
quantum mechanics which claims the universe has existed forever, as
opposed to being created by a big bang.
Over the years there have been just a handful of us pretending to
know something about the universe that no one else does, he went on.
But this is all lies to feed the charade. Ive had some great times
during the years ; travelling the world, and giving talks on our
pretend finds.
When asked how he got away with it for so long, he replied : I found
out a long time ago that everything can be proven with a mathematical
equation. Now, I mean everything ; from unicorns, fire-breathing
dragons, God and even the G-spot. None of it is true. Me and the
handful that know the truth have been riding the Quantum Physicist
celebrity wave for quite some time now, but it must end before
someone gets hurt.
The University of Oregon professor warned that the European
Organisation for Nuclear Research, known as CERN, could potentially
wipe out the entire planet if the project is not put to a halt.
Seriously, when myself, Higgs and Ben (Benjamin Lockspeiser CERNs
first president) first pitched the idea, we never thought it would get
funding. It was gonna cost billions for Christs sake, he recalled.
Fuck knows what the thing does no one does. Firing particles at
each other at the speed of light cant end well. Im just worried now
we took the joke too far.
Ending the interview, professor Goswami apologised for spoofing
everybody over the years.
Im coming near the end of my days now and I just want to get this
off my chest, he said. I just hope the world can forgive us.